A Change Of Heart

I am not sure if it was becoming a mother or confirming in the Catholic faith, but there has certainly been a change within me.

To be completely honest, I was not the best teenager. I was a good kid, but looking back, I could have done some things differently. I have had my fair share of drama and negativity whether I was causing it or going a long with it. No one is perfect right? All we can do is move forward and try to be our best selves.

Sometimes in life we “have” to go against our better judgement. Whether it is to gain respect of our coworkers, or to get a sale to impress our bosses.

A few of the times I look back on and cringe:

I worked for a company for give or take 8 years. I started off in one department and ended up being the assistant manager of another (not tooting my horn).

As a member of management, it was my job to keep peace among my coworkers and push whatever money making ideas the company wanted me to. Sometimes these things go hand and hand.

Sometimes at work (especially when you are a part of a “team” and have to rely on others to get the job done/get  a bigger paycheck) you have people who believe they are alphas. These people have worked for this role in the team and are very good at what they do, however, for a member of management and if you want a peaceful work environment, sometimes you do things to please these people.

I remember times when my “team” didn’t want someone working there any longer. They would do whatever they had to do to get that person to quit.

Looking back, it makes me sick to my stomach. I may not have necessarily participated in this, but as a member of management, I didn’t stop it.

Sure, not everyone is cut out for every job description. But in these instances, if we would have come together, that person could have either learned and gotten better, or we could have went about things the right way (such as transferring to a different department, even termination if they truly wasn’t cut out for it).

What did we do instead? Make their lives hell.

Now I realize that everyone deserves help. If someone is new to something, they should have support in learning whatever it is.

Being crappy to people until they quit their job isn’t the way to go about things. Some people need that job. They have a family to provide for. They go into work day after day and people don’t like them and make their lives hell instead of being supportive and helping them.

I am not sure if it is greed (others don’t want that person to make “their” money) or if some people think they are just better than everyone else. But I know now, that everyone deserves a chance. Or at least deserve the decency of having a peaceful work envirmoment until they get terminated. No one should have to dread going to work because their coworkers a rude and torment them.

There were many days where I just did not want to go to work because of the thick layer of negativity surrounding the place.

As for customers?

It was a retail type job so we had sales goals to meet. I wouldn’t say I lied to customers to get them to buy our services and products. I would say that I feel like I told them exaggerated versions of the truth which doesn’t make it any better.

Was it things they needed?


Would their world fall apart without it immediately?

Most of the time, no.

This was during a time where my local economy was suffering from a declining oil field.

I know as a sales professional, you shouldn’t assume how much money someone may or may not have. But, knowing the conditions of our local economy, I couldn’t help but to want try to save my customers whatever money I could. But that isn’t what a top performing unit does. They push their products and services and they push them hard.

Then you have customer that just aren’t well liked. For whatever reason, something about them bothers you so you do low key rude things to them or have a rude tone when you speak to them or say things about them or just go about things in the wrong way against them.

After doing all this for a few years, it starts to wear on you.

Where am I now?

I have come to realize that everyone deserves love and respect. People deserve honesty and to not have their time wasted. Everyone has one life to live and many people have families to support.

If everyone came together instead of tried to make other’s lives more difficult, we would live in an entirely different world.

Don’t get me wrong, I know the world is full of negativity and corruption and just bad. I know that some of these things may give you a negative feeling about me. But, as I said before and the reason I am even mentioning this, is that we can do better.

I am trying to do better. I see others saying rude things about people and I know it isn’t right.

Someone sees an old, slow moving person that talks a lot and is bothered by it. I see someone that has lived a life and just wants someone to talk to. Nothing is wrong with that. Maybe if we stopped to listen (when we have time) instead of being bothered merely by their presence, we could learn a thing or two.

That is just work related to me.

Just think about this on a global scale. All of the hate.

Every time I see a bombing or a shooting (that is not religion based) I try  to think of where did society go wrong.

All these people needing love (even the smallest thing such as a smile). Life does not have to be so bad. There could be more happiness and joy and peace.

And our kids….don’t get me started.

It has been in my heart to reach out to the kids in my community. I feel like all the messed up adults things days started as messed up kids.

People need love. Kids need love. Loved people are happier people.

I know this isn’t going to solve all the world’s problems. This may not do anything for anyone. I may have just rambled 1000 words. But, if one person is nicer to someone from reading this, then I have accomplished something.

Let’s be better people. Let’s not intentionally try to make someone’s day or life harder than it already is. Let’s respect other’s and apologize when we have hurt them or find polite ways to tell them they have hurt us. Let’s love our youth and teach them that they have value and can do anything they want and can be anything they want as long as they put their heart and mind to it.

Things don’t have to be terrible. Life doesn’t have to be terrible.

That’s just been on my mind lately and I had to get it out. Like I said before, I don’t know if it is my faith making me want to make the world a better place. Or the fact that I look at my daughter and want nothing but the best for her and realized that everyone is someone’s child. Everyone wants what is best for their child. Everyone has hopes and dreams. I don’t feel everyone’s love but I know that everyone can love the way that I do, and everyone can feel the way that I feel.

Have a lovely day.


P.s. Feel free to leave a comment so that I know humans are reading these posts and it isn’t just bots and spam <3


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